Yesterday, I was “in the moment” based on what I had been witnessing on- and off-line lately, but today I thought it would be good idea to share an article that I wrote right after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina that gives some steps people can use to enhance their communication with one another in a more concrete fashion. Consider the following:

“But that’s not what I meant!!!” Have you ever found yourself feeling this way when a person misinterprets something you said?

The way people interpret information from others they communicate with differs almost as often as the personalities and experiences of each of these individuals. The world wouldn’t be a very interesting place if everyone had identical beliefs, thought patterns, and feelings, but it can be exasperating if the person you are communicating with does not “get” what you’re trying to say. It gets even trickier in e-mail when you can’t see the body language or hear the tone of voice from the other person.

So how do we address this challenge? We do it by first being aware of some of the roadblocks to good communication, and then consider some of the remedies I propose to address these roadblocks.

Three roadblocks to communication that immediately come to mind include:

1. Conflicting Communication Styles: Some people are most comfortable communicating with a direct style, while others find it uncomfortable. Similarly, some are more comfortable with other people being direct with them, while still others might find it offensive.

Some people are laser-like in their speaking, and get to the point immediately, while others are more comfortable giving a lot of background information before getting to the point.

The key is to realize that there’s no communication style that’s better than the other and to have patience and compassion when interacting with a person whose communication style is different from your own.

If you’re unaware of your own communication style, you might be interested in taking the DISC® profile or purchasing Linda Beren’s “Understanding Yourself and Others® An Introduction to Interaction Styles.” It’s a great little book and will provide a lot of great insight into dealing with people who communicate differently than you do.

Regardless of your preferred style, some things are universal when it comes to communicating effectively. This leads me to the next roadblock…

2. Different Frames of Reference: This is where different individuals interpret the same set of facts or the same event in different ways. Each individual brings to the situation a different frame of reference.

The way people interpret situations or sets of facts depends on the background, experiences, values, attitudes, motives, assumptions, and expectations of each individual.

As of this writing, the devastation of Hurricane Katrina is very fresh in my mind, and it’s been interesting, for example, to see how people have interpreted different statements people have made in the media after this disaster. Different frames of reference are at the very crux of this issue. The upshot in my own case is that I’m able to have a discussion with friends I don’t necessarily agree with that have a different framework without it getting heated. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the best you can do. No hard feelings!

For example, someone who grew up in survival mode on the streets will have a very different frame of reference from a person who had every advantage growing up.

That’s an extreme comparison, but anything in between that continuum can affect the interpretation of a statement. What are your frameworks?

3. Personal Barriers: The way a person interprets a situation also depends on emotions and values. The person may hear what he or she wants to hear rather than hear what was actually said.

Mental set, emotional states, prejudices, and the way the individual chooses to filter or screen what is said will affect the way a message is understood. Poor listening skills are a major reason many messages are not understood properly.

For example, suppose I was in a really bad mood for some reason, and I showed up late to an event. Someone at the event totally unaware of my mood may ask out of genuine concern, “Where were you?” I’d really have to be careful not to interpret that question as accusatory.

Below are a few more tips that can at least get you started to help bridge the communication gap:

On the listening end:

· Have an open mind. Remember: seek understanding rather than employing judgment.

· If communicating in person, pay attention to body language as well as the content of the message being conveyed. Listen to what is not said. Pay attention to their tone of voice.

· Ask for clarification about what the person has said before jumping to conclusions (i.e., “What I think I’m hearing you say is <insert what you thought you heard>…Is that correct?”)

· Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and try to put yourself in their shoes. Empathy goes a long way!

On the speaking end:

· Show responsibility for how you’re interpreting things (i.e., “This is what I perceive the situation to be”)

· Be assertive and say what’s on your mind, but the key is to do it diplomatically.

· Be aware of your tone of voice.

· Ask if you’re being understood and clarify any misunderstandings.

Remember that in the extreme, communication breakdown can cost you relationships and in business can also cost you money. Something I heard Tony Alessandra say a few years ago really shifted the way I thought about how I interacted with people, which was, “Do unto others as they would like done unto them!” instead of the familiar, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So go forth, do good in this world, and communicate well while you’re making your mark!

–Carol Dickson-Carr

Lately no matter where I go, I’m watching some sort of dissension whether it’s the election or the merits of one social networking tool over another (or even the debate over whether social networking is worth the “trouble”).

Yesterday morning I had a friendly misunderstanding with an energy expert about a free meditation audio I created to help reduce stress a few months ago. I told her she could use it as a free bonus in her promotional materials for her on own meditation audio a few weeks ago. She promoted it yesterday as a prosperity meditation and I corrected her that it was a relaxation/stress relief audio.

But I just listened to it again, and I can see why she might have construed it as such. I really took a holistic approach to getting centered and calm, which included envisioning your overall ideal state. But my “come from” when I created the audio was witnessing stressed out folks throughout the week and even getting caught up in the drama a bit.

Her “come from” was around getting people to over come their money blocks (and overcoming money blocks overtly counts as getting a prosperity mindset!).

But what about the more acrimonious misunderstandings? Can you think about a time when you’d like to have a “re-do” opportunity and this time consider where the other person was coming from?

Ponder that one for a bit for me.

–Carol Dickson-Carr

It was my pleasure to interview Ann Rusnak, a delightful woman I met on Facebook and became even better acquainted with on Twitter, on a subject near & dear to my heart: creating more in less time!

She was very successful in both the corporate world and in running her own business. However, like many of us, she reached a point where there just wasn’t enough of her to go around. As a result, she suffered a physical “melt-down” that required her to take a year off to heal.

During that year, she found she only had the stamina to “work” for a maximum of 15 minutes at any one time. This led to several discoveries about optimizing efforts to achieve ultimate results. As she healed her way back, she found many other people were headed in the same direction - towards burnout and frustration - and without a guidepost in sight!

Ann used her experience (and her desire to help others) to create her famous “Flip Your Time” program that allows people to create amazing results using chunks of just 15 minutes at a time. So take 30 minutes out of your day to listen in as she shares some of her strategies!

 

 Interview with Ann Rusnak [29:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Last night I had a knee jerk reaction to a spam email I received on MySpace. The product he was promoting wasn’t offensive, but his timing caught me at a time where I felt the need to go into lecture mode (whereas I usually just delete and move on). Here’s the back story:

I was catching up on tweets on Twitter from earlier yesterday and saw a great conversation among some of my Twitter pals about Facebook Spam and building relationships and wished I’d been there live to put in my two cents.

Honestly, I thought relationship building was common sense, and said as much hours later on Twitter as a general tweet…

Then I get the “ca-ching” notification that I have email on MySpace from someone who isn’t even a MySpace friend 10 minutes later while journaling. The note reads as follows:

—-

“My name is *******, I don’t know your situation or anything like that. I would like to tell you a little bit about me. I work from home and sell discount health programs, my Company Ameriplan has been around since 1992. We have Dental, Vision, Prescription, Chiropractic, Medical, and many more plan that can save you hundreds of dollars a month. These programs range anywhere from 14.95 to 59.95 a month, We also have a 100% satisfaction guarantee that comes with membership….This is my ..web page.. so you can see the product and better understand the company and what we could have to offer you .

Thank you for your time,
XXXXXXXX”

To which I tersely respond:

“XXXXX, I hope you’ll take my advice. You might get higher conversions if you do:

Very Quick Old-School Internet Marketing Tip- Find your target market (do a key word search, use pay per click and article marketing), build relationships with them (by inviting them to a free 7 part e-course, for example), and then MAYBE, pitch your product to them.

I’m not in your target market; I don’t know you so your message is SPAM–but rather than report you, I thought I’d just educate instead.

Remember the metaphor: Most folks would rather date first before getting married!

Carol”

Dude is really clueless. His reply:

“explain to me please this is my first type of sales pitch”

Yikes. I guess I really do take for granted what people know (or more accurately, DON‘T know). I didn’t reply last night, as it was after midnight, though I figured I’d feel more generous this morning. But look at the presumption that he’s entitled to more education from me and I don’t even know him.

I had planned this morning to reply all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by just referring him to Stephen Pierce’s free internet marketing book, but guess what! His MySpace account has been deleted. No big surprise there. I guess someone else was even crankier than I was last night.

Hopefully he’ll do some investigating on his own. Those outdated sales techniques were obsolete even when they were popular for my personality (says the girl who suffered through trying to sell Electrolux vacuums door to door ages ago and hated every minute of it).

So that’s that.

–Carol Dickson-Carr

There are no easy answers to that question. I really believe it depends on your

• environment,
• framework,
• experiences, and
• level of expertise with the technology out there.

I’ve always been surrounded by some sort of technology guru since the early 90s, and while I’m not an early adopter when it comes to purchasing new technology (more like early majority), I will definitely check out a new tech toy that’s recommended to me from someone I respect if it’s free to see if it would be beneficial to me and/or my business.

I’m also not afraid of technology and I love to engage all my learning styles when figuring it out–mostly visual/kinesthetic–I hate reading the manuals on- or offline!

But it has to work for me psychologically as well, I’ve found–especially with all the choices out there (more on that in a forthcoming post!).  Facebook, Twitter, and podcasting do that for me.

About a month ago, I wrote about all the choices within traditional internet marketing and new media marketing and the only “comments” I got were on Twitter and they had a similar theme: “Too many choices to comment!” or “My head hurts! Let me think about that one for a while” That’s telling in and of itself!

So on the hindrance side, “overwhelmed by the choices” could fit right in. Another hindrance could be the “way too dependent on the technology” syndrome.

For example, I recently came back from a trip to the Mountains in Taos, NM and admittedly had a little anxiety about the fact that there would definitely be no cell phone service, and not knowing if I was going to have internet access nearby.  I was so afraid, even with my vacation auto-responder that I’d be so overwhelmed when I got back.

I was worried about what I would miss in the social networking world since it changes so quickly. And we won’t even talk about my potential Twitter withdrawals–I tend to learn the most about the latest and greatest updates there along with satisfying my need to connect with like-minded people!

So imagine my visible relief when we discovered that there was a computer lab in walking distance from the cabin that had wi-fi and actual desktop computers…and printers! I did have to cancel a webinar since I couldn’t be on the phone (land line was in the cabin) and on the computer in the same room, but other than that, I really have to say that my anxiety levels went back down to zero when I saw what was available.

I knew intellectually that unplugging for a week wouldn’t have killed me, but emotionally I wasn’t so sure! I really do see the benefits of the technology when you have a strategy in place (which I definitely have). You’ve probably heard the old saying, “Technology is great…when it works!” I really believe that.

So what do you think?

Do we depend too much on the technology?

Are we bombarded too much by all the choices? Or

Do you have a strategy in place so that the technology works for you rather than your being a slave to the technology? Would love to read your thoughts!

 –Carol Dickson-Carr

Hello there! The Productivity Professor is feeling a little curious this morning.

From conversations I’ve had over the years, leadership means different things to different people, but I did notice some overarching themes about what a leader is and what a leader isn’t. What about you?

• Do you believe perception is reality?
• Do you believe leaders are born, not made?
• Or do you believe everyone has the potential to be a leader?
• What are some characteristics of a great leader?
• I invite you to post your thoughts below.

Another invitation I want to extend is reserving July 14th, 7pm EDT for

…Bea Fields Companies, Inc: Summer Virtual Tour…

Free Mega Teleclass: The Future of Business From the Minds of Ten Top Professionals

Date: One Monday, July 14, 2008 from 7:00-8:00 p.m. Eastern
What happens when you get ten top professionals on a call together to discuss the future of business and leadership? You walk away inspired to change the way you think, live and operate in business. Join Bea Fields as she shares this open call with her partners from EDGE: A Leadership Story for a call you don’t want to miss.

Fields will be joined by Michael Gerber, Michael Port, Corey Blake, Dave Buck, Carol Dickson-Carr, Eva Silva-Travers, Kimberly George, and Roger Dewitt. Each professional will be asked a question they have never been asked before about the future of business, and you don’t want to miss their answers. This is BIG!

Register Here!
Learn about the presenters here
Download audios from past calls here

————–

In the meantime, please share your thoughts on leadership below!

Carol Dickson-Carr, The Productivity Professor

The following article was written by my esteemed colleague, Bea Fields, but being the Productivity Professor, I’m so in alignment with everything she wrote, I had to share it here:

——————-

I am not a productivity expert, but I am well known for getting things done and getting them done well, so I want to share with you a few strategies which have worked for me so that you can also be more productive.

The first thing to know is that we are in unique times. Because of laptops and the internet, our work and personal lives are intersecting unlike they ever have in the history of work. We lie in the bed checking e-mail. We are up at the crack of dawn to write our blog entries (like this one today.) We can have a report faxed or e-mailed to our homes 24/7. The question I hear from leaders each day is “How do I deal with all of this so that I stay as productive as possible?”

My response is always to come back to the leaders I work with and ask them to answer the following questions:

1) What is the biggest project that is on your mind?

If you have something on your mind, and it’s not getting done, it may never happen. The best way to address this is to sit down with a piece of paper and get the project on paper with a list of things to get done, completion dates and the names of people you will delegate out the project to.

2) What is the weakest link in your time management system?

One of the tools I use quite often with my clients is the Time Mastery Profile. With this profile, you will be able to quickly see the area which is your weakest link in your time management system. The weak link might be a lack of planning, procrastination, interruptions or poor communication. Once you have identified the weakest link, sit down and craft a plan to turn that weakness into a strength. Once your plan is crafted, you must be willing to dedicate your time and energy to changing that behavior around for at least one year (hey…it took you 20, 30 or 40 years to get where you are, so it’s going to take time to turn the behavior around.)

3) What commitments are you not fulfilling?

I work with leaders each day who are just simply over-committed. They are not only running a large organization. They are sitting on multiple non profit boards, attending conferences and attending meetings with strategic partners and political decision makers. Many leaders will tell you that they often can’t meet about 50% of their obligations. Look closely at your commitments, rank them in order of priority, and politely decline from any commitments you know you cannot meet (or delegate them out to someone who can meet them.)

4) What small tasks are you worrying about?

What are you thinking about? “I need to make a doctor’s appointment” or “Send that thank-you note” or “The dog needs a bath.” Does this sound familiar?

Last night, as I was going to sleep, I realized I had a radio interview this morning at 7:45. I had been worried that I might miss the interview, so I got up, wrote myself a big reminder and placed it beside the phone. I was then able to go to sleep. Each day, we have small “worries” that run in the background of our minds. They keep playing and playing like a broken record. The best thing you can do to relieve this mental stress is to complete a brain dump. Sit down, and write out a list of everything that’s on your mind (including that squeaky door that keeps irritating you every time you open it.) Then, set out to knock out every “to do” on your list. You will find that your productivity is so much greater once you get everything out of your brain and on paper.

5) What is your magical time of day?

Each person has a time of day that is what I call “magical.” It’ s that time of day when you are the least distracted and the most productive. It’s that time of day when you can focus on one project and get in the zone on that project. Consider carefully what your magical time of day is, and dedicate this time to your most important projects.

6) What do you always find time to do?

There are tasks on your task list which always seem to get done. Look closely at this list. From there, you will want to ask yourself why these things are easy for you to do. Do you enjoy them? Do they help you fulfill a core value? Do they allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment? Do they spark your creativity? There are always “to do’s” in your life which are working, and these accomplishments can boost your confidence. Once you discover “why” they are working, use these reasons as a way to look at why other tasks are difficult to accomplish. As an example, if you value time with family in the evening, and you are committed to an evening meeting that you never seem to be able to attend, it is probably because this meeting is bumping up against time with your family.

7) What projects are the most important to your overall life and career success?

It is so easy to put off bigger projects which may have a huge positive impact in our lives, because they seem so daunting. I know…I wrote two books in two years, and there were times when I wondered if they would ever get done. The thing to know here is that you cannot “implement” or “act on” a project. You can only “act on” each task which is a part of the bigger project. The best way to approach a big project is to sit down and write out each and every step you will need to implement to complete the project and then implement one task each day (or two tasks each day if possible) until the bigger project is complete.

8)What seems to interrupt you?

Life is filled with interruptions. The first step in the direction of reducing interruptions is to keep an interruption log for one week. The log should include:

-The interruption

-The time of day

-The person who interrupted you

-The length of the interruption

At the end of one week, look closely at your data to spot trends in your answers. You may find that a certain person interrupts you or that interruptions are more frequent at certain times of day and so forth. Once you have discovered the repeating patterns of your interruptions, it’s time to start making some changes. Speak to the people who are interrupting you, establish office hours, close the door and turn off the phone during your peak productivity hours.

9) How many hours each day do you spend multi-tasking?

The multi-taskers of the world think they are getting a lot done (I am admitting that I am a multi-tasker. Right now, as I write this article, I am not multi-tasking. I am sitting in my dining room away from my other toys and people). The Journal of Experimental Psychology has discovered that it takes the brain four times longer to process each task you are working on during multi-tasking. So, if you are multi-tasking for one hour, you are actually working for about four hours. The best approach with any task is to carve out the time of day and a quiet location so that you can stay focused on that one project only. Your completion time will literally be cut in half.

10) How often are you checking e-mail each day?

Many people think that checking and responding to e-mail is making them more efficient, yet the reality is that checking e-mail multiple times a day creates distraction and causes us to veer off in a direction away from our most critical tasks. It causes a loss in concentration and causes eye strain and fatigue. The best approach with both e-mail and phone calls is to schedule two times each day to check e-mail and to return phone calls. Use the time in between to work on those tasks which are going to help you achieve your most important projects and goals.

If you are someone who is interested in improving your leadership by improving your productivity, contact me today at beafields@beafields.com to schedule time for a consultation.

I certainly can’t take credit for discovering this cool little diddy. But if you’re among the folks in the Twitterverse who likes to keep up with what folks are saying about you when Twitter is in one of its moods, you can check out tweetdeck at tweetdeck.com.

It integrates a number of tools like Summize.com (Twitter’s Google equivalent) and allows you to create groups, follow your time stream with your Twitter buds, see your replies and direct message right on one panel.

Thanks @shermanhu and @dewaldp for hipping me to this very cool tool. Watch the video below for a little more on how it works and where you can make suggestions on its continuous improvement! –Carol Dickson-Carr

I’ve had a few people ask me recently who are brand spankin’ new to the concept of marketing their businesses on the internet exactly what tools are out there. I begin to tell them…

And for some, their eyes start to glaze over and they say they feel safer with the “devil they know” when it comes to getting the word out about their brick & mortar business (yellow pages, inserts, postcards, etc.). I still take that response as a “Not yet!”

At the same time, I’m watching in various forums different debates about which marketing strategies are the best on the internet alone. What do you think? Is it…

Traditional methods like SEO, SEM, Article Marketing, AdSense, PPC, etc.

or New Media such as blogging, podcasting, video, internet radio, etc.

Or…

some combination of the strategies?

Please share your thoughts. My inquiring mind would LOVE to know!

This is important.

–Carol Dickson-Carr

I’m primarily a FaceBook girl for a number of reasons, despite MySpace having a bigger share of the social network pie, but I am going to to be keeping an eye on them more often since it appears they are changing their interface, according to this article. A big thanks to Jim Turner for making me aware of this article!